tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24806308.post5896471112812516554..comments2023-10-08T07:04:49.054-07:00Comments on The Writing Life: I am Afraid of my Twelve-Year-Old Daughterkariohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10150537989886423212noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24806308.post-43250650522019204472012-03-19T19:50:30.674-07:002012-03-19T19:50:30.674-07:00For a minute there I thought you were describing m...For a minute there I thought you were describing my oldest daughter. To a T. Everything exactly the same. Funny thing is, to this day my own mother rails about what an independent cuss I was, and how she could never me tell me anything. Not! A! Thing! That's how she says it, her face angry.<br /><br />It never occurred to me she might be afraid of me, although she has told me plenty of times she was afraid for me. But perhaps she was.<br /><br />My children are in their 30s and 40s and I still have to watch what I say, plan it carefully, and I recognize the signs now.<br /><br />When I was young, my mother-in-law treated me just as gingerly. We don't realize when we are young how very difficult we make communication with the people who love us most.<br /><br />I refuse to give up trying though. And I know that my children love that they are cherished deeply. They have children of their own now. They're experiencing all the things I experienced. Sometimes we laugh about the difficulties of communicating with our respective children!graceonlinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07600679221472546269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24806308.post-31359537235448116072012-03-08T06:16:35.200-08:002012-03-08T06:16:35.200-08:00Dear Kari,
Having never been a mother, I suspect I...Dear Kari,<br />Having never been a mother, I suspect I do not fully appreciate the depth of your feelings, Kari. The words "I'm afraid" seem not quite right--to me--after reading your post. It's more like "I'm hurt" by the fact that she doesn't seem to need you when you'd like to be there for her through all of life's vicissitudes. <br /><br />But if you say "I'm afraid," then I accept that's what you are and all I can say, after teaching girls for many years is that they are strange and mysterious creatures who end up surprising us all.<br /><br />Peace.Dee Readyhttp://www.cominghometomyself.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24806308.post-90246952253628472612012-03-02T13:13:08.232-08:002012-03-02T13:13:08.232-08:00Wow, she sounds incredible. this girl is going to...Wow, she sounds incredible. this girl is going to be a "force" as a woman. in a good way. but i can totally understand how it must feel for you too. mb it will be flip flopped. i mean, you know how little girls need their mommys and grow into women who don't? well, mb right now your daughter feels it is a sign of weakness in some unconscious way, but as she matures and grows she may retain all the cool things about being fiercely independent but have the maturity to know how to let others she loves and love her back "in." <br /><br />thats the hard part in life. The waiting to see how it all unfolds...Alicia Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06244714478310893367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24806308.post-31778371453041075912012-03-02T10:17:24.144-08:002012-03-02T10:17:24.144-08:00I have the same experience with my son. Sometimes ...I have the same experience with my son. Sometimes he accepted our help as parents but sometimes refused bluntly. It took very long time to wait patiently and now he is a grown up man lives with his wife and son. Many of his life's important decision were taken by his own and I think now he himself is responsible for all them. But now sometimes he makes an occasional call to ask some help in any untoward situation and gives us unexpected pleasure and takes our sweet prayers. You are also a loving mother, be patient and do not get dejected. A time will come when she will come to you.ankhseojhalnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24806308.post-7024353862982616602012-03-02T02:03:12.389-08:002012-03-02T02:03:12.389-08:00As a fiercely independent and stubborn child mysel...As a fiercely independent and stubborn child myself I can tell you honestly that she does need you - just not to hold her hand. I completely appreciate and love my parents for giving me space, time and independence. I love them for letting me learn things for myself. And ultimately, the things I've learned have stuck that much better because they weren't a dictation on how I was supposed to act or think. <br /><br />You've shown her that she needs to you to show her how to be herself - her own vibrant independent individual self. <br /><br />Congratulations. The world needs more parents like you.Kaitlyn S. C Hatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08445361760658470586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24806308.post-18842764038642853612012-03-01T19:27:01.784-08:002012-03-01T19:27:01.784-08:00Kari,
I could have written this post. Only, it ...Kari, <br />I could have written this post. Only, it was my youngest who wouldn't let me near, refused my help, and by high school was screaming that she hated me and wished some awful things. I cried a ton, prayed continuously, and finally, when I was broken to bits, I let go of wanting to have her want to be around me. I was so sad and depressed.<br /><br />Somehow, I honestly don't know what it was, she started letting me into her life, little by little, when she was a senior. But it still wasn't comfortable. I felt like she was "acting".<br /><br />When we moved her to college, I was childless for the first time in 34 years, and I was relieved, something I never expected. (I sobbed for weeks when her sister went to college two years before!)<br /><br />During that first year, I was pleasantly surprised when she actually told me that she appreciated her parents, and was very grateful for our support, but also for letting her make her own mistakes (she made a few big ones early in high school!) and learn from them.<br /><br />Today, we are really close friends, something I would never have expected to happen three or four years ago. <br /><br />You are a wonderful mom. Your writing demonstrates that over and over. Your daughter needs to have her own space, and she will love you forever for giving her the space she needs.Sandihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15923693784234135636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24806308.post-10287385357640647332012-03-01T16:43:04.305-08:002012-03-01T16:43:04.305-08:00Beautiful post and deeply thought out.]
Good luck!...Beautiful post and deeply thought out.]<br />Good luck! I had three daughters all needing me in different degrees. It hurts not to be needed. There will come a time, when she's hurt and someone has disappointed her that she will come to you. Be ready. Not overly so. Just have your arms open and your mouth closed.<br />Trust me on this.<br />AND blessings to you both!<br />BarbB. WHITTINGTONhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10362600188243508446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24806308.post-73485970601832770302012-03-01T13:45:45.647-08:002012-03-01T13:45:45.647-08:00Kari,
Beautiful post, thank you for admitting you...Kari,<br /><br />Beautiful post, thank you for admitting your fears. I can't believe the intense nature of the mother daughter entanglement...beautiful on good days, ferocious on bad, and some days when the sun comes up I am praying to be be strong enough to withstand what the day might bring between us. No doubt about the love and it has stretched me to grow...and I knew exactly what you meant with your title. Bless you for sharing. I'm not alone.Taniahttp://www.poetrymom.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24806308.post-32602019073583930612012-03-01T11:32:15.513-08:002012-03-01T11:32:15.513-08:00Your daughter sounds a lot like me when I was her ...Your daughter sounds a lot like me when I was her age! LOL If it's any consolation...after we were done having ten years' worth of knock-down, drag-out fights, we get along great now! My mom wasn't as enlightened as you seem to be so maybe the transition period won't be as bad for you two!Kelly @ Ahimsa Mamahttp://ahimsamama.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24806308.post-78646178409015184502012-03-01T10:17:42.567-08:002012-03-01T10:17:42.567-08:00Now you work on letting go and letting Eve. I'...Now you work on letting go and letting Eve. I'll let you know when I master that one. Got a ways to go. First born daughters are ass-kickers.Carrie Wilson Linkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01586157395539583862noreply@blogger.com