All in the name of 'feathering my nest,' and reconnecting with my family, I was lucky enough to spend the last two weeks with Bubba and the girls in Hawaii. Lounging by the pool and the ocean, I had a lot of time to people-watch (one of my favorite guilty pleasures). What I noticed was a lot of newlyweds. About half of the population of the resort were newlyweds. Honeymooners.
I will admit, my thoughts ran to the gutter. Every morning as the four of us strolled down the hall toward the pool, towels slung over our shoulders, Bubba's espresso-radar on full alert, my eyes strayed to the doorknobs of our neighbors' doors. The DO NOT DISTURB signs hung on every second or third handle, proclaiming their need to sleep in or at least have some privacy. When I watched these couples lying next to each other on their lounges, holding hands, applying each others' sunscreen I reached far back into the nether regions of my memory trying to recall my own honeymoon.
Yes, we did manage to make it out of the hotel room from time to time to enjoy the beach and the scenery. We did explore the town and go for walks and have normal conversations. We weren't all over each other 24/7. So why was I surprised that these couples acted like normal human beings versus testosterone-driven animals in heat? Jealousy, I think.
I love Bubba and I know he loves me. We have inside jokes, share our thoughts mostly uncensored with each other. We make a good parenting team and have similar short and long-term goals. We have a terrific marriage and I honestly wouldn't change it. Except that we've been married for fifteen years and were together for three before that. History and longevity are important. Time marches on. Can't stop it, right? But as I observed new couple after new couple gazing into each others' eyes, oblivious to the others around them, just beginning their lives together - this was not 'playing house,' I felt a sadness that Bubba and I have passed the spark stage. We have a committed, comfortable, honest relationship but that newness, that shiny, we-are-invincible-and-the-center-of-the-universe-ness is gone.
I wouldn't trade my life for the world. Nope, not anything. I am blessed with a wonderful family and amazing friends. I am not complaining or whining. I just wish I would have fully appreciated that relationship newness more when I had it.