"My heart knows me better than I know myself so I'm gonna let it do all the talking." KT Tunstall
Have I mentioned that I don't do waiting? Or uncertainty? Seems I'm being tested on both counts over and over again. Methinks the Universe is trying to tell me something...
I never expected to reach the point in my life where I'm faced with my parents' mortality so soon. Hearing a diagnosis of "lung cancer" was frightening. The words rattled around in my brain like so many superballs, hitting every available surface and shooting off in all directions. There was no sense to be made of it - just random hits and spheres careening through space. Preparing to witness the reality of surgery and physical vulnerability in a person whom I have held to icon status is taking it one step further. I'm not sure how I'll react to seeing my father lying in a bed in the ICU with a chest tube in place.
"Your dad asked me to tell you he loves you." The hamster jumps off his wheel. He's had enough for today. The worries and thoughts popping in my head suddenly quiet. Warmth begins to bloom far lower - in my core. I am loved. I love him. I'm going to see my dad and I'm going to let my heart do all the talking.