I am struggling with the question of loyalty. When does caring for one person violate your loyalty to another? Can it ever?
In grade school girls change "best" friends like hairstyles. Pigtails on Monday, a barrette on Tuesday, maybe braids on Wednesday. Changing alliances cause tears and bitterness that the boys just can't understand. I remember my big brother shaking his head and laughing as he walked away that us girls were so ridiculous. I suppose we were. But as we get older, the stakes get higher. Sometimes we are forced to choose between people we love just because they hate each other. Ideally, we could continue both relationships without being in the middle. For most practical purposes, it doesn't work that way.
What if you were forced to choose between your siblings? Your parents? What if two people you considered part of your family were completely incapable of coexisting? While I have not hidden certain relationships from certain people, I have not flaunted them either, for fear of wounding those individuals. Unfortunately, I am in need of some moral support and two of the people from whom I typically seek that support have been deeply hurt by the person for whom I am spending my psychic energy to support. I need to fill my well with energy to care for an individual who was responsible for a great deal of trauma in the lives of others. Two of those 'others' are the very ones I need to ask to help me fill this well. One of them is willing, perhaps both of them. But is it fair to ask? Is it disloyal to them? I am not disregarding their pain or any unfinished business they may have. I would not blame them if they refused. I only know that it is vitally important to me to take part in caring for this third person and I cannot do it alone. Physically, maybe, but not emotionally.