Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Which way to the MenoPops?

Lollipops are great. My kids aren't terribly fond of cough drops, but they will suck on a lollipop, so some very smart person invented lollipops specifically for kids with sore throats. Wish I'd done that! Standing at the checkout counter of my local kids' consignment shop the other day, I noticed a rack of lollies designed to prevent morning sickness. They are called Preggypops and are ginger-flavored. When you can't manage to keep anything else down, you can at least suck on this, ladies! Hey, it's worth a shot.

Well, someone else will have to do some market research and let me know what you think since I'm done having kids. But because of some freak of heredity, I am 34 and in the throes of menopause, so could some chemist/herbalist/investor types with lots of time on their hands please invent a MenoPop? I would love to feel a hot flash coming on and be able to stop it cold (ha, nice pun, I know) by simply popping some creatively crafted confection into my mouth. Chocolate would be a good flavor, or caramel. Perhaps vanilla bean would work for some women.

While you're at it, is there some mixture of herbs or chemicals that can keep me from bleeding for seventeen days in a row? How about a new kind of ice cream that I can consume right before bedtime that will ensure I don't have to wake my husband up at 2am to change the sheets because I've just soaked the sheets with copious amounts of sweat? Ooh, ooh, and then perhaps some extravagant scone (passion-fruit or mango, perhaps?) that I can have for breakfast every morning so I don't grow a mustache or ear hair?

I don't mind taking hormones, per se, but this menopause thing would be so much more acceptable if there were some fantastic remedies that would feed my sweet tooth as well as keeping me from turning into a sweaty, red-faced puddle of neurosis without warning. I'm sure my husband and kids would appreciate it, too. So, could someone please get on that? Trust me, you'll make millions!


jennifer said...

So funny! Thank you for your humor Kari! Jennifer

Carrie Wilson Link said...

YANK IT OUT! I had a laproscopic hysterectomy in December. It was the best gift I ever gave myself! Sign up for one today!

Miss Devylish said...

Ha ha.. girl.. only you!

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